After letting the trauma in

I have to assume their courage too

I’m walking on their shoes and I’m carrying this in my back

I have to carry what has kept them going

I have to carry their resilience, their laughter, their forgiving love.

I have to carry with this life I’m in

And aren’t we all fortunate enough?

Not all.

Still, I have to follow the trail they left 

And I have to carve my own trail

I think about my uncle with a machete opening a coconut for me to drink its water.

That machete will have to serve.

I have to pull myself up the way my grandma did that night grandpa was gone, forever.

I have to hold my tears the way she did that night

The softness on her acknowledgment, her feet breaking down on the way out

I have to remember when she put her hand in her chest and put her head up

I have to remember that’s the strength I come from.

The community they won’t leave

The community they built

Our house like a church

I have to walk with a heart that is so open.

I have to think what they really meant when they said you see their faces but not what’s inside.

I have to wander with the intensity they do for their people

And I have to stand on my own the same way we have been standing for as long

as there are ways to count.